Tuesday, May 18, 2010


It's a curious thing, the choices we make about our lives, and how we choose to reveal them.  I for one strive to be very private, which makes the choice to start this blog somewhat strange and uncharted territory for me.  I struggle with topics and content because I am not sure exactly how much you, the reader, should know or even want to know.

I am not so self absorbed to think that anyone cares much about my choices or beliefs, but it occurred to me that maybe it isn't my beliefs or choices that matter, but maybe I am just someone who can give some of you the courage or comfort that you are not wrong.

I was raised Catholic, and in a bit of a cliche dysfunctional family.  My Father worked, my Mother bitched.  Being an only child led to an entitled but lonely childhood, and fostered the sense that I never truly fit in anywhere. That isn't to say I was abused, or not hugged enough etc etc.  It simply enabled me to think more clearly and strongly about what I wanted and desired.  I never had the basis of comparison that someone with siblings have or a partner to fight the tyranny of parental units with.

Instead, I became a brooder.  Silently and with purpose I brood and think and rationalize.  It became habit to keep those thoughts and feelings locked away, so much so that even my true friends don't really know if I am happy or not.  Through the years I have started on a path of self realization, attempting and focusing change on my life and who I am.

Until recently I have always believed that this is a mind over matter exercise.  But the more I try to shape and mold my life to conform, the more unhappy I am.  This post has taken on a life of its own, this isn't intended to be the simpering rantings of a confused woman.  More to the point this is the gate to deeper understanding.  I want to tell you, go with your instincts personally, professionally and even sexually. 

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