Sunday, May 16, 2010

There and Back Again

Today I was having a discussion with a friend of mine and we discussed how sexual expectations are gender specific.  His position was that was clearly drivel and of course its not general specific in expectation, content or otherwise.  I pondered this conjecture for awhile as it has always been my position that sex is not created equal based on gender and found this belief has been reinforced even further with this discussion.

Society as a whole looks at sexuality with a myopic view in my opinion.  Generally speaking it is expected there will be a dominant partner who lays claim to the variety, frequency and necessity of the act of sex.  This theory applies to many aspect of life, and I'm not  clear whether it is dependent upon social proclivity or if it is simply genetically fated to happen.

That being said, this dominant figure, based on a public belief system where the determining factor is in fact a gender based role.  I have done a fair amount of reading on sexual roles with both historical and modern perspectives and have found that the public "consensus" very much stays the same throughout the ages.  The one thing that is lacking is the focus on the simple act.  It is my position that a person's role in a relationship is more linked to what they find acceptable than one they assert due to what body parts you poses.

An example would be a person who is strong, successful and driven generally speaking is deferred to by the less dominant companion in a relationship.  It just so happens that for a very long time the male society has been deemed the provider, the master of his home or soldier of fortune.  I submit that sexual roles are very much driven by society or the moral collective than by the true primitive part of our psyche.

Apply this thought to you as you read this, in an intimate situation your partner asks what you want or desire;  The normal human response is to consider what you might enjoy based on what you know about your partner.  Very few of us take the true course and declare exactly what we want without consideration of the others needs or desires.   Many, due to religion, familial morality or genuine ignorance take the safe route.

Expressing needs or desire is a human condition, and ultimately more satisfying than a compromised liaison with a partner. Now don't this logic to the extreme while your needs and desires might state that you like to see the lines of a crop exposed on fresh pink skin that doesn't mean that it is always appropriate.  You do however for the sake of true intimacy need to express your desires and listen to whomever you are with to achieve true intimacy.

I am seeing more and more people awakening to the realization of sexuality.  The US in general is very repressed in their acceptance of desires outside of the norm.  Anything other than missionary is considered pornography by the masses thereby enforcing the "nice girls don't do this" ideology.  The "nice boys don't do this" phrase pertains more to fidelity, truthfulness and basic morals.

This is a lengthy conversation of course, but by in large the talking points come down to the things I've addressed above. Everyone, man or woman need to come to terms with desire and learn tolerance and honesty about the unappealing based on who they are not just based on what is socially acceptable.

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